Screw Me Once Shame On You......

I hate liars.  Above an beyond everything else other than child molesters and other nasty crimes.

I loved the Cirque du Soleil the other night.  Tawnee is a fucking liar.
I'm pissed she didn't tell me that she didn't want to go when I asked a week before the show.  Instead, I called her the night before the show and she said she was "sick".  So she wasn't going.  I went to 50 cent beer night and guess who was there tonight?!?!? Tawnee, not ill, having a good time.

I went to dinner with mom, Alita, and her boyfriend Jason.  Mom and Alita had a good buzz going and I was DD.

I went to Canyon today.  The Art Department wants me there, but it looks like the district will be collapsing Becky's position.  I'd be tempted to take it if the job stays.

Screw me once, shame on you..... Screw me twice, shame on me.

I also have to say it's weird having tweakers at out apartment because Dave was being a nice guy.  Talk about a way to weird me out for a night.

Website Expansion

I've begun to tweak this sight to expand slightly.  At this point many things aren't visible yet, but the infrastructure is there.  I have now linked where lesson plans are going to be posted at one of my subdomains.  While that page is not yet complete, some of you that read my blog are involved in the visual arts, or are educators.  Even if you aren't, let me know what you think about this expansion idea.

Cirque du Soleil

Regarding the trip I'm taking tomorrow with Dave, Rick & company to see it, my friend Angela IM'd the following: 
I see... well you get to see very small flexible people do bizarre things
That made me laugh my ass off!

Becoming Level

There is a tattoo on my right arm that many of you have seen.  It's a constant reminder to me that everything eventually balances out.  This is something that I've had a hard time accepting lately.  Things seem to be thrown at me left and right but I'm starting to get a handle on them.

I was reminded about how far off schedule the yearbook was last year.  Issues with money will be resolved for the short term this Friday.  The key is to not let things out of my control cause any stress.  This is something easy to say but hard to do.

Now that things have been put into perspective (thanks dad) I am feeling better.

On the plus side, my dad did get his new job.  That is such good news.  Things are turning up for the best for him.  Now all four members of my immediate family make about the same amount of money.  Seriously, I find that amusing!

Incubus - Clean

A small chunk of the song that I found entertaining:
I need a map of your head, translated into English so I can learn to not make you frown.
Sounds like how I always feel.  Well, it's about time for me to snag something to eat.  I think I'll be walking to conserve gas, and I hope they don't get too pissed; I am going to be paying all in change.

I have about $50 to my name until Friday.

In addition, the money for the speeding ticket still hasn't been withdrawn.  This has me concerned.  There's no record of the ticket online either.  Food, finally start on laundry, and get to bed early is the agenda.  If I can do that, I'll be in good shape for the long haul this week with working on yearbook until far too late into the evening.  The book WILL be done by friday.

Gargamel

gargamel
Originally uploaded by goncourt.

This sums up how I've been feeling lately.

Poor Choice of Words

Well, today we had an AVID recruitment assembly and a Social Studies teacher worded something in reference to me that pissed me the fuck off.  He said, "Even Mr. Gil de Montes has a degree".  I just played it cool until after school and approached him about it and told him how it pissed me off.  He apologized for it and said that he realized what he said after he said it and that wasn't what he intended.  Needless so say, I accepted his apology but being put out like that in front of my students pissed me off to all hell and back.  He should just be happy that I know how to deal with a cocky son of a bitch.

Ugh X 20 and a heif

I had a lenghthy IM conversation with Angela after work today.  She says that life is like a spiral.... I just say it's stupid how retarded people are; me in particular.  Making the same dumbass mistakes over and over and over again.  Yes the names change but the MO is always the same.  The funny thing, at this point I can't even remember what an MO is.... I just new it fit in that spot.

Ok, I was stuck trying to remember what MO is in Latin; Modus Operandi (thank you wikipedia)!

There's nothing like finding old blogs to realize that nothing has changed, nothing has been resolved, and I am still stuck in the bog of life spinning my wheels.

Words that tend to be repeated in my old blogs are as follows: Hermit, alone, decay, pain.... and there are others.  I could do a MYSQL query to figure it out but after I figure out how to run the query, I think I'll be on a lower rung of happy.

Materialistic happiness: Hopefully the MacBook Pros will be showing up sometime soon at work. At least that'll give my mind something else to play with.  I still find it sad that at almost 27, I find solice in video games.  Kill, kill, kill, blow shit up, play an RPG with chunky SNESchool graphics like FFII to avoid reality.

Perhaps it's time for me to start painting..... again again. Yes, that is redundant but such is life.

Oooh, ooh! Maybe some shock therapy can blow some circuits and I can find happiness and drop my IQ by a few points.  With my luck I'd become even more disassociated with the reality that for some reason I've chosen to live in.

2 Workstations

2 Workstations
Originally uploaded by GildeMontes.

ADD + 2 Workstations = Productivity...... Usually.

The St. Patrick's Day Adventure...

We started the adventure a lot later than I anticipated.  Some of my friends were in their typical slacker mode.  Once we all were together in the car, we went down to the Royal Falconer.  It was the most crowded I have ever seen the place.  Needless to say, we didn't stay.  Frodo was done working so we had another passenger.  We stopped by Gus Jr. for something to eat.  By now it's around 9 and we still hadn't had a drink.  All other bars were obscenely packed so that wasn't much of an option.  We went to my friends' Kevin & Katie's pad.  While there we hung out, drank a few Irish Car Bombs, and we all brought beer.  They are still stocked today.  It's funny how all of a sudden a poker game can break out anywhere. 

Peacefuul Rest

Today Wayne (our former neighbor) came down from Sacramento.  It was good to see him.  He is a good guy dying of pancreatic cancer.  It's always sad to see someone on their way out, but at the same time it's also good to see a man who accepts his life for what it is and to live life to the fullest without regret.

410 Calories

I had a rough time in the gym today.  First off, the upper sole of my left Nike Free ripped.  That ticked me off a bit, but I pushed forward.  I ran/jogged a little over 4 miles on the treadmill.  It was a rough day to get into the groove.  I couldn't zone out like I like to while staring at myself in the mirror.  I think that there were a few major factors not allowing my mind to drift into that mode.  First off, I blew up at my last class today.  
They are the lowest achieving students that I have all around academically.  I was frustrated by the fact that they can care less about how they do academically.  They are more concerned with "spitting game at each other".  I talked to them pointing out all the little things I have done all year to help each and every one of them out.  I asked them how many of their other teachers save their asses on a regular basis.  I also asked them that if they don't care how well they do in school, why should I?  If I care more about how well they do in school than they do, there is a problem.
The second major thing on my mind today is the damn yearbook.  I need to get it done soon.  I'm going to have to lock myself up to get it done.
Lastly, I haven't heard from Tawnee since Saturday night; but that is less of an issue right now than financial woes, and the other two items.

Second Job

I was going over my finances today and I have a few options caused by my current situation that began about a year and a half ago.
1. I need to find a second job where I can make some money in addition to my current job.  If you have any ideas, please let me know.
2. I can look into a personal loan for the amount that I can pay off the credit cards with.  This would have a lower interest rate than my cards and would help out immensely.
3. I can find a way to rob a bank (yeah right).

Floppy Slimy Thing...

Ok, I'm wired...... This happens to me when I go to the gym late in the day.... Dave & I went to Market Broiler and had dinner.  He ordered a dozen raw oysters for an appetizer. I've never had them before.  I thought hey what the hell, I am willing to give any food a shot at least once.
Once the oyster was in my mouth, I could feel the slimy thing flopping around as my tongue tried to aim it at my esophagus.  My throat closed up like a sphincter not allowing the oyster to slide down.  At that point I had to spit it out.  Dave was laughing uncontrollably about it.  Texture man, texture.  Tapioca, liver, & now oysters are all in the same category.  I think that part of it may be the realization of what oysters get their sustinance from.

The Gym

Someone was on the damn treadmills so I then worked on the fucking stair stepper thing..... 
10 minutes followed by 12 on the bike doing a hill climb.  By then all the people were gone so I was able to get on the damn treadmill.  Total calories burned on the circuit: 450!!! No Craig I don't think I am as sexy as I was as  a kid, but at this rate of losing about 4lbs between yesterday and today..... I can come close!

Too Funny

Share a beer.
I'm glad to see that MIT students work on the tough technological problems all of the time!

Desktop

Desktop
Originally uploaded by GildeMontes.

I've reinstalled clutter. Last time I used it, it wasn't even to version 1. I've cleaned up my desktop and figured I've give it a shot again. I'm not done making a messy mosaic of my desktop yet....

Yang

Yang
Originally uploaded by GildeMontes.

Half of a whole waiting for the other half. Where oh where can my Yin be? I guess this returns to the duality of my AIM screen name yINyangCHAOS

New Horoscope

Ok, this isn't going to become a regular occurance, but my horoscope *claims* that I'll run into someone I've always missed.  A student whose mother works with my old friend Mandy gave me her number at work today..... Way too weird and creepy.  I almost feel like I'm in the twilight zone or something with how oddly accurate these things have been the past two days; and not even in the really general way.

I Should Be Sleeping

But I can't.  I know why.  Sleep is grand; especially when my brain is fried.  When that happens, I tend to rhyme.  Lately it seems to happen all the time.  At least my brain no longer throbs; I'm immune to pain.  Above all else, I wish this rain...... noisy rain would go away.

Then & Now

Then & Now
Originally uploaded by GildeMontes.

About 21 years have passed between the two images. Yes, I chose to wear a red shirt to match the old image. I didn't worry about doing any color adjustments.... Damn halogen lighting vs. outdoor.

The Break

Tawnee and I are no longer seeing each other but it's a good thing. She has things she needs to work on herself and we're still going to spend time together.

In the meantime it gives me a chance to return to hermit status.

I have a horoscope in my dashboard on my iMac and it reads as the following:

Taurus:
It's rare that your sign doesn't feel confident. That alone might mean you'd be tough to get along with, but you're also far too genuine and approachable to hold that or any other natural gift over anyone's head. When someone does need you to take control, you won't be shy about stepping up. If it's to defend something or someone who can't do it for themselves, you can be positively formidable. Good luck to anyone who gives you a reason to take charge now.

Now I'm not one that usually will really take heed with this kind of crap but in light of the events of this evening I find this to be perfect.

Self-Portrait with PhotoBooth

Self-Portrait with PhotoBooth
Originally uploaded by GildeMontes.

It's inspired by Andy Warhol, the intro to "The Brady Bunch", and good ole' Hollywood Squares. Created in Photobooth on my mac & put together in Photoshop. Yes, not a difficult project, but I haven't seen anyone stitch multiple quad-shot Warhol style like this yet.

Rambling Soul Search

Delve into my soul;
Search hard and you can find my heart.
Locked deep underneath
Everything I have been was torn apart.

The new me; a half being
Desparate to find what will make me complete.
Wondering if I've found it...
How do I know if this is what I need?

Lost and wandering inside this shell
Knowing if I take a wrong turn;
Making sure my footing is well.
If not it'll be my personal hell.

All the puzzle pieces will fit together
I know this but it keeps getting harder.
How long will it take out of forever
To be whole and allow my heart to grow fonder.

The decomposing mess that weighs my heart
Down washes away and removes my sorrow.
What once filled me is gone; 
Now I'm hollow.

Time marches on while I stay frozen
Locked in a mental state
You probably don't care, but I'll elaborate...
Something with me is broken.

Everyone else I know is moving forward
I have a career that is great and I enjoy
But one piece of life I reach toward needing
Treats me like an object to play; a toy.

Press play for me, I'm sick of pause
And I can't reach the button

You and me...
Together can find what we need
Solve each other's problems
Filling up the empty.

For Mish

Ci-Ci & PB
Originally uploaded by Jeremy_K.

Mish, I thought this would amuse you.

I Do it, You Do it, We ALL DO IT.....

toilet
Originally uploaded by Pat Beyer.

Ok, maybe not EVERYONE does it. I have realized that this is something that many single guys do...... What is it you ask? Think about the "reading material" people take with them to the bathroom. With wireless internet, I've realized that many guys take their laptops to the restroom.... I just wonder if women do the same (probably not).... but you never know. Just a random observation I've been meaning to post about and I hadn't gotten around to.