Something I Can Never Have

Serenity, peace, Nirvana; whatever you call it
Shall never be mine. Traveling backwards in my thoughts and time
I see what there is left of me, what is gone
It is hard to know what pieces were important that I let go.

What will make me happy? What will finally give me peace?
What is my future? What is my release?

I find myself wanting, empty an insecure
The thoughts and ambitions that I carry in my mind are pure.
Lifting myself out of the fog; everything is still blurred.
Why can such difficult decisions be so obscure?

Serenity is something I cannot grasp. The harder I try to hold on
The more it slips through my fingers like sand.

A duality; two lives for one person cannot be.
The only way to know is to find a decision that will bring me to understand...
Understand all that I cannot see...
And finally bring me to a place where I can find true divinity.